Attachment Styles and How They Affect Relationships

Our attachment develops in childhood and is largely influenced by our relationship with our primary caregivers. There are a few different types of attachment styles that someone can have, the most universally acknowledged attachment styles are; secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized. Our attachment style can influence the relationships we form into our adult life, and can impact our wellbeing. 

What do the Different Attachment Styles Mean and How do They Present?

Anxious Attachment

An anxious attachment style can be defined as a pattern of insecurity in a relationship that presents as an intense fear of abandonment, the need for constant reassurance, and low self esteem. This can occur when a caregiver was inconsistent with their behavior, a child was in emotionally unpredictable environments, or a child experiences trauma. 

Avoidant Attachment

An avoidant attachment style is characterized as behavior in relationships where vulnerability and emotional intimacy is avoided, they are often hyper independent and overreliant on themselves. This attachment style can form due to neglect from a caregiver, or if their caregiver was overly critical or avoidant themselves. 

Disorganized Attachment

A disorganized attachment style is the result of inconsistent or abusive caregivers, whose behavior was unpredictable and potentially dangerous. Individuals with a disorganized attachment style often want intimacy and a close personal connection in a relationship, but will push away others. Those with disorganized attachment styles may also have issues trusting people, and have issues communicating in relationships. Often in a disorganized attachment style someone will exhibit both avoidant and anxious behaviors in tandem. 

Secure Attachment

A secure attachment style is widely considered the healthiest and most balanced attachment style. Those with a secure attachment style often are able to communicate, are comfortable being vulnerable, and are trusting. This attachment style usually forms as a result of a caregiver that was consistent, reliable, and responded appropriately to their child and their needs. 

How to Work Towards a Secure Attachment Style

The good news is that you can always change your attachment style through a few different techniques, and it is always possible to work towards a secure attachment style. One of the ways you can start working on forming a more secure attachment is to practice increasing self awareness, emotional regulation, and improving communication skills. Through our group program at Fulfilling Life’s Purpose, you can work with our clinicians to identify unhealthy relationship patterns and start understanding your attachment style. Through working with our clinicians at Fulfilling Life’s Purpose, they can help to increase the skills and knowledge needed to create healthy and secure attachment.